If He had a Heart, He'd be Crying
by GothLoli
Summary: AU AkuSai angst. Saix is a studious highschooler whose dating a slacker...at least, he's supposed to be. Things change. People change. Plans change.


Axel had been _his_ friend.

In fact, he had been more than that. He had been his _best_ friend, his _lover._

And now he was watching him, Axel's arms wrapped around a blue eyed, petite blond.

How he _hated_ it.

Things had been fine. Things had been more than fine. But then(as he now finds himself saying oh so often in a cold distant voice that people regard him as such )things change.

Entering high school, Saix had become more level-minded, he had to start thinking about his future, right? His studies became his first priority, he took advanced courses, he had to plan out his career. But Axel had not understood that.

He started to "hang-out" with other friends. A pink haired, coy yet suave young man by the name of Marluxia, that very well went out of his way to invade Saix'x personal space. And a blond named Larxene. Oh, Larxene…she was a case. A mental case.

But they were nothing Saix couldn't handle, neither Larxene's crude comments or Marluxia's…_flamboyant_-ness . He prided himself in handling them very well.

"D'ya sell yourself to maintain that color every week?" the blond sneered, her grin making it very apparent that she wanted to get on his nerves.

Saix, who was comfortably perched on Axel's living room couch and trying to read from his textbook, said nothing to the insufferable Larxene who was sitting on the floor in front of him.

"Hey, bullseye!" she said in a stronger tone, obviously creased at being ignored, "I'm talkin to ya!"

He continued with his silence, silence that was slightly altered with contempt thanks to that little comment on the mark on his forehead. A mark he had gotten in a car accident years ago.

"HEY-"

Marluxia, who had been leisurely sitting with his legs sprawled on the floor next to her, gently cut her impending screech off, "Come now, Larx," he said in his usual smooth tone, "don't make those awful faces, you'll get wrinkles."

Larxene narrowed her eyes but complied, perhaps fearful that her…beautiful…face might be endangered in any way.

Marluxia then turned his attention to the bluennette in question, "How _do_ you keep that hair, Sai," although he didn't sneer, his intentions were as clear as Larxene's, if not more nicely played, "it's simply magnificent, we should exchanged secrets!"

Larxene gagged, "Fags."

Saix calmly turned the page of his textbook. He was _natural_ blue, whether they choose to except that or not was entirely their problem.

His tactic worked, by the way, it always did. Soon enough, both Larxene and Marluxia decided to ignore him in favor of basking in their own egos.

Saix could never understand what Axel saw in those two that provoked him to even be in the same room as they were. Once, on the rare occasion he found time to take off from his reading, he had commented on it.

"I can't understand why you choose to mingle with them," he had said, gently placing the textbook currently in his hands on his lap.

He was at Axel's house, sitting on a green, incredibly old sofa chair that had little white flowers on it. Axel was in the kitchen, feeding himself some that _looked_ like a sandwich, but was probably filled with something that didn't belong between two loafs of bread. Axel's family had always been relatively poor, so he had trained his stomach to digest anything he could swallow.

Saix continued, "They're…unpleasant. To say the least."

Axel merely shrugged. Saix noted that he had been doing a lot of that lately.

"They're fun," the red head replied, "-_ish_" he said as an afterthought.

Saix raise a thin, blue eyebrow.

"Besides," he proceeded to swallow whatever it was he had taken a bite of, "At least I can actually _go_ _out_ with them…"

Axel gave him a quick glance and then continued eating in silence.

Saix had meant to ask him what exactly he meant my that, to just say what he wanted to, but he didn't. Exams where coming up, he wasn't about to have a headache inducing argument with him right now, he'd just have to deal with it later.

But then…

_He_ came.

Roxas.

Axel had told him how Larxene was picking on some spikey haired boy, he had been nonchalantly watching, not wanting to get involved if he didn't have to. But then, the blond had marched right up to their group and immediately took to his defense.

"He sure had a nice shade of blue eyes…" Axel muttered in an almost dazed manner that made Saix shift a bit and actually start to pay attention to the story. "but anyway…" Axel seemed to have shaken off whatever trance he had been in, "you should've seen Larx! She was pissed!" he laughed, "looked like they were bros, the kid and he other one…but the blond was way hotter…"

Axel shot Saix a devilish look, "Your not jealous, right?"

"Why should I be?" he responded in a low, uninterested tone, "chances are you won't ever see him again…"

Axel's shoulders slumped, "Right…"

But he _did_ see him again.

Axel had practically hunted him down, that is, that's what Saix was _told_…

"I swear he nearly humped him when I saw him find him at GameStop the other day," Larxenne wouldn't stop talking about it. Saix didn't exactly go to her for answers, he just dropped by the Icecream shop she worked at, wondering if Axel was there. He loved Sea-Salt Ice cream.

"Whatcha gonna do, bluey?" she smirked.

Saix, as he had always done, said nothing and walked out.

He decided to find _real_ answers.

Later, at the study session he was having with Zexion and his friend Lexaeus, he had casually asked Lexaeus if Axel had told him were he'd be today. Under the pretext that _Axel_ had asked _Saix_ to remind him that _they_ had a study session that afternoon.

"…he wants me to help him with finals," he finished, sounding as if this really _was_ planned and that he thought nothing of it, for effect.

Zexion sounded as if he snorted, but him being the cool minded intellectual type, this wasn't so. It merely sounded like the case as he continued to read the book he had pressed to his nose. "Axel? Worried about finals…?"

Saix said nothing.

"Um…he said he'd be at the mall," the big jock replied, "but he didn't say anything about _that_."

Lexaeus was a very well-built teenager, the tank of the football team, but he was kind unlike the rest of the jocks. In fact, most of them would try and shove Zexion into a locker, but he and Leaxus were undeniably close. If anyone even thought about doing something to the dark blue haired, skinny boy they'd have to deal with him first.

"He forgot," Saix sighed in an annoyed manner that made it appear to be real.

"I guess," the big brunette shrugged and started to scribble down a particularly hard equation.

"Clearly," Zexion slipped in nonchalantly, "wasn't he mouthing off non-stop about going to meet up with that kid, Roxas? Ugh, he was so annoying, getting him to shut up was impossible…"

Saix continued his work as if he hadn't heard him.

"Looks like he completely forgot about you-I mean, your study session…"

"It's his fault if he gets a bad grade."

"Right…"

An hour later, when Saix had bid the two farewell and just about out the door, he remembered the textbook he had left behind. Was going to go get it when he overheard a conversation.

"Zex…" Lexaeus said in a scolding yet soft voice, "do you really think you should have said it that way?"

"What? Everyone's seen them, and Saix shouldn't be acting like a girly bitch about it either," Zexion retorted, "besides, he has the right to know…"

"Still…"

"Whatever, it's his own damn fault anyway."

Saix decided that he'd ask for the book back later.

But it was true. The longer he let time slip(for whatever reason, be it studying or working)the more the rumors grew. All of a sudden, it had become common knowledge. Axel's multiple rendezvous with his little blond friend was natural, and somehow Saix was the clueless _third_ wheel.

Third wheel? Bah!

If someone was the third wheel it definitely wasn't _him_! It was that _boy_.

When Saix had finally decided to confront Axel about it, he was surprised at the answer.

"Look, Sai…" Axel leaned his elbow on the sofa's arm, his tone difficult but determined, "we haven't even been a real couple for a long time now…"

"A _real_ couple?"

"Yeah," he said, arms folded and cold, "a _real_ couple. One that goes out, has fun, _sleeps_ with each other."

"Is that what it is then?" he scoffed, thoroughly offended, "_Sex_?"

"No, it's not," Axel pinched the arch of his nose, something _Saix_ should be doing because _he_ was the one that had every right to. _Saix_ was the one who had the headache. "Look, you were just never around anymore. And…we both have different interests now…you're always up in your school work and I'm doing my own thing…it's just…" he sighed, "things change…people change…we're over Saix, in fact, we've been over for a long time."

Saix stood there immobile. Almost in shook. Then he did something he hadn't done in a long while.

He said something.

Not only that, he screamed it.

"OVER?! _OVER_?!"

"Saix, calm-"

"Over, huh? Well no one sure as hell told _me_ that bit of information, you jackass!"

"Look-"

"Don't touch me!" he pushed his arm away, "Who the fuck do you think you are?! What the _fuck_ gives _you_ the right to go and tell me something like that!"

"It's the truth, Saix! What do you want me to say?"

"_Truth_?! And you even have the nerve to just go out and say it like that?!"

"You're mad right now…"

"No shit!" he grabbed his collar and pulled him face to face, "And instead of straight out _telling_ _me_, you have yourself a little fun and come to me with _this_?!"

"It's not like you don't already know-"

"Is that supposed to be _better_?!" he pushed him away, blood boiling in his veins, snarling like a ravage wolf, "Is that what you _wanted_?! To let me _know_ through third parties?! So you wouldn't have to _tell_ _me_?! So you could be with that slut-"

"Don't talk about him that way!" Axel shouted with such force that Saix was momentarily taken back, "Don't talk about Roxas that way! You don't know him!"

Never, in his entire life of knowing him, had he _ever_ heard Axel defend _him_ the way he defended Roxas. Saix clenched his fists so hard that he cut into his palm.

"I DON'T FUCKING KNOW _YOU_!"

"Get out of here, Saix!" Axel pointed to the exit fiercely, "Get out!"

He did leave. He slammed the door behind him. He ran out into the road, he ran until his legs hurt. Ran as the full moon overhead watched on as he continued to suffer. He _cried_.

Back home, in his bed, Saix had _cried_.

He cried because of what Axel did.

He cried because he was _hurt_.

He just cried.

Saix discovered that he must have been in denial. That he spent hours into his studies, under the false lies he made up for himself. He needed to _work_, he'd deal with it _later_. That had all been his way of not dealing with it. With not handling what he just couldn't _believe_.

And now he was paying the price.

Axel began to openly hangout with Roxas, and some tomboyish girl named Xion. Saix would find some satisfaction in making their life miserable with sharp comments every time they happened to crossed each other. But it was false satisfaction. It only made _his_ misery worse every time he saw Axel just roll his eyes and beckon his _new_ friends to ignore him.

He became even more miserable when one day he overheard Demyx tell Xigbar that Axel and that boy Roxas were…

"As if!" Xigbar leaned in on poor Demyx, "for real?"

Demyx nodded, "Yep, Axel told me himself!"

"Shit…didn't look like the kid swung that way," he grinned, "Whatever, to each his own, right Dem-Dems?"

"I just sorta feel bad for X-face…"

"_Whatever_! You've always complained about him being a total prick to you!" he lifted his chin, "this is what he deserves, Demy."

"Heh…yeah, you're right, Xiggy."

"Now…let's go to my place an…"

It had been an elaborate courting…so he had heard. Axel had pursued Roxas until he got a 'yes' from the blond. Pursued with the will and vigor only Axel could have. And in the end Roxas just couldn't say no. They were an _item_. They were _together_. They were _happy_.

And now he was the cold, seemingly heartless person who always pretended to be.

000


End file.
